Human life is full of perils, to say the least. The perils, most of the time, are created by truth. The truth, the simplest thing in the world - yet, it is the hardest one. It fuels complexities while satisfying your self-interest and leaving you in anguish.
I like to believe the anguish stems from the act of betraying yourself. The role of a sadomasochist that you play bears the bitter-sweet feeling you did not know you could ever experience.
It pains my ass to think how I have spent a whole afternoon whether I have ever taken the help of lies to save my bony rear end. Even though I am vocal about how lies infuriate my pathetic self, I had to bite the forbidden fruit. I caved in the sweet relief brought onto me as if I saved myself from the worst that could ever happen. Oh, the irony!
The fleeting moment of shallow relief forms a mountain of guilt-ridden pleasures only to tear me apart at 2:45 am on a perfectly fine Saturday night. Why is it hard to do the simplest thing? Just blurt it out, like ripping off a band-aid, right?
Yet, just like the hypocrite that I am, you engage in the same action. Even if you did not know you could lie your way through, there you are - HUH! Right, out of compulsion. There IS no way out. But, isn’t it absolutely gut-wrenching to put yourself in this situation self-voluntarily?
Manipulation. Lies. Deceit.
Of course, there is a way to keep yourself out of guilt trips: Stop giving ducks (autocorrect, y’know)! {Heh, why am I coming up with all the ideas that are easier said than done, lol.}
To make use of boredom (now, you know why I typed 293 words so far) in vain, I Google’d why people lie. Haha. (Pardon me, good sire. It's Saturday and my grey cells are vibing on a solitary hill right now.)
Anyway, bear with me for one more minute, mio amore (damn, I would love a choco chips pastry right now)?
Dimma told me today that humans are sometimes compelled to do things out of fear. Lying is one of those things.
But what surprises me is that lying steals a humungous amount of energy while living a human life is already exhausting. You create a false impression before the one who you love most, you make other lies to cover up, you shout your lungs out to make the person believe in you, you resort to disturbing ways to manipulate - and then, the guilt trips engulf you the way the sea devours the island every night.
You put yourself in a self-made trial, with you being the judge and penitent, the defendant and plaintiff.
So, that’s what you call life? A relentless cycle where you are sucked into a vortex full of lies, deceit and manipulation? The more you try to get out of it, the more you throw your hands out to scream for help, you lose energy to stay afloat? Incidentally, you can’t keep up with it. You drown in something deeper than the Mariana Trench.
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